For something that’s so HUGE for me…for something that is pretty much my lifeblood, my refuge, my air…
I have stopped writing too many times.
But then, the things we stop the most are the things we have come back to, over and over.
I have found my way back to writing so many times, through all the twists and turns of my life 👣
And thankfully, I managed once again : )
So, I had stopped writing for a while.
I did the Write of Passage Cohort 10 this April-May and ended up writing quite a lot then (Most of my substack readers are from Write of Passage. If you aren’t, do check it out. It’s wonderful!) Halfway into the cohort, some unexpected work stuff came my way and my son’s nanny had to leave on a family emergency.
Writing started getting harder, me needing to use my brain more and more 🧠🧠 (My best writing happens semi-automatically. And I much prefer that unconscious led writing to consciously planning, structuring and building a piece).
I was feeling more drained by my writing. It still gave me energy, but it felt like it took more than it gave, making it a net deficit.
I was pushing it.
But as a big part of me was saying ‘STOP’, there was this sprightly little girl mini me in there coming up with a thousand things to talk of…so many inviting ideas that just couldn’t wait. She kept reminding me that the writing was my air.
So I kept going, eking out time whenever I could.
I guess I didn’t want to make a decision and just went with inertia. I stayed in motion till my son’s second birthday gave me the perfect chance to stop, and then stayed at rest🧎🏻♀️
The rest went on longer than I anticipated. And the longer we stop, the harder it is to start again. But my wayward ideas won’t shut up any longer. So here I am.
I do feel a little rusty. But it’s nice to be creating again.
I can feel the flutter of my wings 🦋
And I want to fly free for a while.
No more fancy flushed out essays. I have been wanting to experiment with free flow, raw writing for a while. And I guess this is my permission 😄
Let me see if I can wiggle my way into a structure and style that works for me, not the other way around.
Well formed essays are clearly the other way around for me. Maybe I’d still do them, but only once in a while. Rest of the time, I vow to let my creative forces run wild 🔥
Some Backstage Banter:
Writing about writing is surprisingly calming. Nothing at all like thinking about thinking ; )
My very first essay on writing is one of my all time favourites. It was this ‘best of both worlds’ magic that fell into place effortlessly, complete with a comfy structure for people living outside my head to walk along. If you want to check it out -
Have a great weekend,
Talk to you soon 👋
Swarupa